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Love Life

In Love Life, Mom Life, Work Life on
September 5, 2018

Birthday Reflections

I celebrated m 29th birthday on August 26th! I meant to post this before my birthday, but I am quickly realizing how hectic life really is. I had no free time to post. None whatsoever. I’m struggling to respond to text messages too (don’t even mention phone calls ugh).

Amara keeps me busy. Work keeps me busy. Then, when I find that I’m not AS busy, I’d rather take a nap (keepin’ it real). Also, if I’m not taking a nap, I’m spending as much time as possible with my family because hubby works crazy hours (so whenever we’re both home, I want to squeeze in as much time together as I can)! I also spend a lot of my free time playing with Amara and talking to her.

I really wanted to share my birthday thoughts with you all. I’ve been thinking about a lot lately! I also know so many women struggling with a specific area in their life. My prayer is that my words will encourage you to keep going, no matter what!

Relationships

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

On the weekend of my 29th birthday I spent the weekend in reflection mode. I reflected on my 20s: the things I learned, the mistakes I made, the tears, the laughs, and everything in between. So I wasn’t surprised when my past relationships came to mind. If only I knew at age 21 what I now know at 29. Ladies, there is absolutely nothing wrong with setting boundaries and being single. I’ll repeat. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting boundaries. Don’t be afraid to walk away from something or someone who is not God’s best for your life. You are valuable because God says so. And I don’t know about you, but time is precious. You can’t get that back once it’s wasted. I wasted so much time in dead end relationships. When Micah and I started dating, he knew from early on that I was NOT about to waste my time again. I set the tone really early. It was my first time doing so. I knew what I wanted and for the first time in my life, I truly loved myself. I also learned what God’s word said about love. I was no longer going to tolerate “unkind” love because I knew that was NOT love—no matter how often a person used the words, “I love you”. So check a person’s fruit (i.e. actions).

 

Motherhood

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you…

Isaiah 66:13

Nothing has stretched me and caused me to lean on the love of The Father like being a mom. It has challenged me and changed me. Yet, I am more me than I have ever been. It just feels natural. I was meant to be a mom, and knowing that comforts me. Most importantly, I was called to be Amara’s mom. God chose me to be her mom for a reason. My baby is unique. I should not compare her to other babies. I know at times it’s easier said than done, especially when I get a baby milestone alert on my phone or people ask the “Has your baby done x,y,z yet?” . I’m learning to relax and trust the process. My baby will roll over on her own. She’ll also crawl, then walk. God is teaching me what it means to truly trust him. I’ve always been a control freak, and I’m learning very quickly that there is so much I cannot control when it comes to parenting and Amara’s development or growth.

 

Career

You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail. 

Proverbs 19:21

That scripture says it all. God’s purpose is more powerful than any of my little ole plans. Don’t get me wrong, planning is good. I believe in planning. I believe we’re supposed to be good stewards and be faithful with what God has given us (which includes making plans), but ultimately, his will is going to be accomplished! I choose to be comforted by that. You’re not a failure because you haven’t climbed up the corporate ladder. You’re not a failure because you don’t own a business. You’re not a failure because you don’t have that degree or that experience. Let your goals and dreams motivate you, rather than deter you. You should feel good about working toward that goal, rather than discouraged because you haven’t accomplished yet! Keep pushing. Continue to work for it. Most importantly, ask the Lord for wisdom and pray, “Lord let your will be done in my life (here on earth) as it is in heaven. God is so generous. He won’t give his wisdom grudgingly. Lately, Micah and I have been praying for the wisdom and skills we need to accomplish what we are believing for, rather than the thing itself. People appreciate what they work hard for!

Self-Care

Then because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Mark 6:31

Rest. Whew. I’m preaching to myself here. For my 29th birthday, I want the Lord to show me how to go away to a quiet place and get some rest. I’m constantly going. If I’m not physically doing something, my mind has a million tabs open. I’m always looking for the next thing to do. But, even Jesus rested. He encouraged his disciples to rest too. We are no different. My girls (Real Housewives of Hattiesburg LOL) paid for a massage for my birthday. It will be my first professional massage and I’m so excited. I plan to go on my first day off! I promised myself that I won’t do laundry, clean, or even blog on my day off. I’m going to get a massage, browse a bookstore, and take a nap! A day of rest. I encourage you to have a self-care day each month too. Maybe you can’t afford a luxury vacation or even a professional massage, but there is something you can do for self-care. It’s an absolute necessity!

 

In Love Life on
August 6, 2018

Becoming One

My husband and I celebrate our 3rd anniversary today. It’s also his birthday, so it’s a pretty special day. We have absolutely nothing planned, and I’m not even disappointed. Honestly, I just want to spend time in his presence once he gets home from work. I enjoy his company. We could be watching Netflix on the couch (married people really watch Netflix LOL), or traveling to somewhere new. It doesn’t matter! I enjoy him! My hubby, my best friend, Zaddy (lol)!

People often ask us whose idea was it to get married on his birthday. The truth is, my aunt’s venue was booked on the day we originally had in mind. There were two dates available and Micah’s birthday was one of them. We decided we’ll just choose his birthdate, since it was one of the options. Micah also jokes around with people by saying it was planned so he could never get in trouble for forgetting our anniversary. But, it definitely was not planned. Honestly, I was slightly disappointed, but I had to adjust and change my perspective.

Our marriage has seen a whole lot of adjusting and needing to change perspectives. Three years in, and we’re still adjusting because becoming one in marriage isn’t easy work. It takes effort, persistence, and patience.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31

God joined Micah and I together to become “one flesh”. When we said our I do’s, we were immediately unified in a mysterious way (Ephesians 5:32) that is unlike any other relationship here on earth (yes, even the relationship between a parent and child). Being one flesh is more than a sexual bonding, although it does involve a sexual union. Micah and I established our own family when we got married. Our loyalty is and should be to each other, before anyone else. Our status has changed from two single individuals to being one. Every decision I make needs my husband’s involvement and vice versa. We’re a unit. We immediately became one on August 6, 2015, but we’re still becoming one.

God’s word says “to leave” and “hold fast” (or cleave), but there are days when cleaving to Micah is downright hard. Maybe I’m having a rough day, or maybe he said or did something that hurt me, or we’re disagreeing on a matter. Whatever it is, clinging to him tightly is the LAST thing I want to do. I know he’s felt the same way too. Yet, that’s what God calls us to do as husband and wife. This is why marriage and love is a choice, rather than a feeling. Even when we don’t feel like it, we still choose each other. In the good times and bad times –we choose to hold fast to each other. We choose to hold fast to our marriage. We choose to hold fast to our family unit.

So how does one continue the journey of “becoming one” with their spouse?

  1. Prayer: Prayer is a must. Praying individually and praying together as a couple. Ask the Lord to search your heart daily. Ask him to remove anything in your heart that’s not from him. Ask him to pour more of His Spirit inside of you. Ask him for direction/purpose for your marriage. Pray over struggles that you and/or your spouse may be facing. Also, be open to counsel and prayers from trusted friends. We were never meant to do life alone. Micah and I are blessed to be surrounded by married friends who love the Lord, love their spouses, and love us.
  2. Communicate: Becoming one is more than a sexual union. You and your spouse have to talk to each other DAILY! It’s so easy to get caught up in life: bills, work, the kids, church responsibilities, family issues etc. You look up and realize that it’s been a week or two since you sat down and checked in to see how your spouse is doing, or what’s been on their heart recently. This is something I’m still working on. I’ve always been a go-getter. I like to get stuff done. So, whenever I got home from work I would immediately go into grind mode. Did we get mail? Have you paid the power bill yet? Have you looked at the budget I created? What are we eating etc. None of those things are bad, but my husband should be first. Instead, greeting him with a big juicy kiss, and asking him what’s new in his world since we last checked in, is a priority!
  3. Date: Make time to spend with each other. This may look differently when kids enter the picture, but having kids is still no excuse.
  4. Leave and Cleave: Lastly, remember to leave and cleave. Don’t let anyone get in the way of your marriage. Not a family member, not a friend, not an ex..NO ONE. Cling to each other. Hold fast. Speak well of each other. Don’t let anyone disrespect your spouse (you don’t either). You two are on the same team. Don’t ever forget it.

Micah (you do read my blogs right?), what a ride huh? This last year has seen its highs and lows. But, we’re still here. Still loving each other. Still choosing each other. God also blessed us with the most precious baby girl. We are truly blessed. Thank you for asking me to be your wife. Thank you for loving me even when I’m acting unlovable. Thank you for working as hard as you do. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for carrying all the bags. Thank you for breaking my prenatal vitamins in two so I can swallow them easily. Thank you for opening my water bottles. Thank you for not fussing at me too much when I leave several opened water bottles around the house. Thank you for cooking when I don’t feel like it. Thank you for running my bath water after you clean out the tub. Thank you for always having my back. Thank you for the good times. Thank you for the bad times.

No matter our season, you make me reflect on the gospel and Christ’s love for his people. There’s no one else I’d rather do life with. You just get me babe. I chose you on August 6, 2015, and I’ll choose you for the rest of my life. Happy Birthday and Happy anniversary my love. You’re the finest Zaddy I know too! Alligator food.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Love Life, Mom Life on
July 30, 2018

F.A.M.I.L.Y.

My parents are leaving tomorrow. I miss them already ya’ll! They helped us out tremendously, and I am so thankful that they stayed for as long as they did (they have been here since May 11th). If you have kids and your family is nearby AND involved, count your blessings (especially if you work outside of the home). I remember being young and wanting to get away from my parents. I left for college at 16, so I got an early start. Mommy used to nag me quite often and daddy never wanted me to go to a party LOL. But, I’m so thankful for their love AND discipline growing up. Having them here with us also made me reflect on my future parenting.

So what type of mom will I be? What type of dad will Micah be? Time will tell, but I suspect that:

  • I’ll more than likely be the parent to nag Amara to make up her bed, and Micah will be the one who helps her mess it up (i.e pillow fights).
  • I’ll be the parent who wants to buy new storybooks for our reading time, and Micah will be the parent who makes up his own story with her input :).
  • I’ll be the one whose default response is often stress and worry if she’s hurt, and Micah is the one who immediately talks to God about it.
  • I’ll be the parent who teaches her all the worship songs, and Micah will be the one teaching her how to spit bars.

But despite our differences, at our core we are the same. We’re parents who believe in showing our love, saying I love you daily, providing a sense of belonging in our home, providing security, explaining the reason behind our actions etc.

I love my family. They are God’s greatest blessings in my life here on earth. I enjoyed spending time with my parents while they were here. I enjoyed watching Amara interact with them. I’m enjoying watching Micah step into his dad role. I’m enjoying family cuddles on the couch and nightly bedtime routines. I love the laughs, the security, the sense of belonging, and knowing that no matter what the world throws at me, I am loved and I belong. That’s what family means to me.

What does family mean to you?

xoxo

 

The Schaffers 🙂

 

Best mom and dad ever 🙂