My husband and I celebrate our 3rd anniversary today. It’s also his birthday, so it’s a pretty special day. We have absolutely nothing planned, and I’m not even disappointed. Honestly, I just want to spend time in his presence once he gets home from work. I enjoy his company. We could be watching Netflix on the couch (married people really watch Netflix LOL), or traveling to somewhere new. It doesn’t matter! I enjoy him! My hubby, my best friend, Zaddy (lol)!
People often ask us whose idea was it to get married on his birthday. The truth is, my aunt’s venue was booked on the day we originally had in mind. There were two dates available and Micah’s birthday was one of them. We decided we’ll just choose his birthdate, since it was one of the options. Micah also jokes around with people by saying it was planned so he could never get in trouble for forgetting our anniversary. But, it definitely was not planned. Honestly, I was slightly disappointed, but I had to adjust and change my perspective.
Our marriage has seen a whole lot of adjusting and needing to change perspectives. Three years in, and we’re still adjusting because becoming one in marriage isn’t easy work. It takes effort, persistence, and patience.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
God joined Micah and I together to become “one flesh”. When we said our I do’s, we were immediately unified in a mysterious way (Ephesians 5:32) that is unlike any other relationship here on earth (yes, even the relationship between a parent and child). Being one flesh is more than a sexual bonding, although it does involve a sexual union. Micah and I established our own family when we got married. Our loyalty is and should be to each other, before anyone else. Our status has changed from two single individuals to being one. Every decision I make needs my husband’s involvement and vice versa. We’re a unit. We immediately became one on August 6, 2015, but we’re still becoming one.
God’s word says “to leave” and “hold fast” (or cleave), but there are days when cleaving to Micah is downright hard. Maybe I’m having a rough day, or maybe he said or did something that hurt me, or we’re disagreeing on a matter. Whatever it is, clinging to him tightly is the LAST thing I want to do. I know he’s felt the same way too. Yet, that’s what God calls us to do as husband and wife. This is why marriage and love is a choice, rather than a feeling. Even when we don’t feel like it, we still choose each other. In the good times and bad times –we choose to hold fast to each other. We choose to hold fast to our marriage. We choose to hold fast to our family unit.
So how does one continue the journey of “becoming one” with their spouse?
- Prayer: Prayer is a must. Praying individually and praying together as a couple. Ask the Lord to search your heart daily. Ask him to remove anything in your heart that’s not from him. Ask him to pour more of His Spirit inside of you. Ask him for direction/purpose for your marriage. Pray over struggles that you and/or your spouse may be facing. Also, be open to counsel and prayers from trusted friends. We were never meant to do life alone. Micah and I are blessed to be surrounded by married friends who love the Lord, love their spouses, and love us.
- Communicate: Becoming one is more than a sexual union. You and your spouse have to talk to each other DAILY! It’s so easy to get caught up in life: bills, work, the kids, church responsibilities, family issues etc. You look up and realize that it’s been a week or two since you sat down and checked in to see how your spouse is doing, or what’s been on their heart recently. This is something I’m still working on. I’ve always been a go-getter. I like to get stuff done. So, whenever I got home from work I would immediately go into grind mode. Did we get mail? Have you paid the power bill yet? Have you looked at the budget I created? What are we eating etc. None of those things are bad, but my husband should be first. Instead, greeting him with a big juicy kiss, and asking him what’s new in his world since we last checked in, is a priority!
- Date: Make time to spend with each other. This may look differently when kids enter the picture, but having kids is still no excuse.
- Leave and Cleave: Lastly, remember to leave and cleave. Don’t let anyone get in the way of your marriage. Not a family member, not a friend, not an ex..NO ONE. Cling to each other. Hold fast. Speak well of each other. Don’t let anyone disrespect your spouse (you don’t either). You two are on the same team. Don’t ever forget it.
Micah (you do read my blogs right?), what a ride huh? This last year has seen its highs and lows. But, we’re still here. Still loving each other. Still choosing each other. God also blessed us with the most precious baby girl. We are truly blessed. Thank you for asking me to be your wife. Thank you for loving me even when I’m acting unlovable. Thank you for working as hard as you do. Thank you for the laughs. Thank you for carrying all the bags. Thank you for breaking my prenatal vitamins in two so I can swallow them easily. Thank you for opening my water bottles. Thank you for not fussing at me too much when I leave several opened water bottles around the house. Thank you for cooking when I don’t feel like it. Thank you for running my bath water after you clean out the tub. Thank you for always having my back. Thank you for the good times. Thank you for the bad times.
No matter our season, you make me reflect on the gospel and Christ’s love for his people. There’s no one else I’d rather do life with. You just get me babe. I chose you on August 6, 2015, and I’ll choose you for the rest of my life. Happy Birthday and Happy anniversary my love. You’re the finest Zaddy I know too! Alligator food.